


To Choose One is to Lose Oneself

by MyriadQuiddities



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, McSpirk - Freeform, Tumblr Prompt, and it's a little emotional for him, i made people sad with this, sort of, this is from spock's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-04-04
Packaged: 2018-01-18 02:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1412110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyriadQuiddities/pseuds/MyriadQuiddities
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Enterprise encounters a ship in distress, the captain and the doctor are called to help the crew. The crew of the Enterprise lose contact with them, and Spock decides to take measures into his own hands. Once onboard the other ship, he is presented with an impossible choice between the two men he cares for the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Choose One is to Lose Oneself

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Strength](https://archiveofourown.org/works/855679) by [Cyberrat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyberrat/pseuds/Cyberrat). 



> First Star Trek fanfic, and the first fic I've written in years, so it's probably a little off. Based somewhat on Strength, a K/S fanfic for TOS, which I highly recommend, it's amazing.

Spock watched as the captain and the doctor were shoved down to their knees barely meters in front of them. Neither of them could speak, could help him with the decision placed before his mind, mouths gagged efficiently by the Andorians surrounding them.

"We thought it… best to go with the two you spent the most time talking to while aboard your ship," said one of the Andorians with a smirk on her face. Two more Andorians stood behind Jim and Leonard, fingers snarled in the hair of their captives, each with a phaser pushed flush against the base of their skulls.

Spock slowly blinked in her direction, his face an emotionless mask, not betraying the rage simmering just beneath his calm facade. Her smirk made him almost cringe on the inside.

Two months ago, the Science Division had taken on new cadets to train on a few away missions before they would be assigned to another ship in Starfleet. The bright - Spock’s skin crawled to admit it - Andorian female was one of them.

Then, barely twelve hours ago, the Enterprise had come across a distress signal. It had led to a small transport vessel, floating in the middle of space. A report from the ship of wounded crew members had brought the Captain over with McCoy following not far behind, along with a half-dozen security members.

Spock had stayed behind, given the conn to look after. When the Enterprise lost contact with the away team, a growing worry permeated the ship. And to make matters worse, the Andorian female cadet had disappeared along with the captain and CMO.

Which is when Spock, without the knowledge of anyone else, left to go to the distressed ship. Having memorized scans of the layout of the ship, he deemed it impossible to become lost aboard the vessel.

Of course, that was assuming that the few crew members aboard did not try their utmost to disorient him. Doors opening and then locking behind him, lights flashing.

He had stumbled upon the bridge, purely by accident. It was there that multiple Andorians trained their phasers on him. It had seemed possible to escape - there was only a 64.7% chance of him being hit, and then only a 45.897% chance he would be hit fatally - but all plans became secondary when Jim and Leonard were brought to the front.

"So, Mister Spock," she gestured at the captives. "Who shall you choose?"

He turned back to where she gestured, finally meeting their wide eyes. There was no way he could make such a decision, not between two people who meant so much to him, more than anyone else.

He considered what would come if the captain was killed.

Leonard… He’d never forgive Spock, no matter what he might say. A ship could survive without her captain if there was someone competent to take the place. But after making such a decision, there would almost certainly be a court martial and Spock would resign and submit even without that; any punishment, even death, would be considered due in his mind. There was no way he would ever be able to sit in the same chair that Jim had, his hands figuratively dirty with the blood of his t’hy’la.

A ship would not be able to survive long without a Chief Medical Officer. Yes, there was easily others who could take over in the event of McCoy’s death, but none of them were McCoy. If Jim was the soul of the Enterprise, then McCoy was the heart. And a heart was something no being could live without, least of all Spock. And how could he choose to end the life of someone who was so very dear, not only to him, but to Jim as well?

How could he make such a terrible choice?

"Mister Spock? We’re waiting for your decision."

His eyes met Jim’s blue and Leonard’s brown.

Spock’s heartbeat rushed in his ears, a slow green cloud covering his vision. His nose flared with each startled breath. The best he could do, the absolute best, would be to buy time.

"What are my options?"

The Andorian female pursed her lips, eyes narrowed with distaste.

"Mister Spock, you know perfectly well what your options are," she pointed two fingers over at them. "James T. Kirk or Leonard H. McCoy. You have no other options; I do not understand how you thought you had any others!"

She made a gesture towards the Andorians holding the two men, each responding by roughly pushing their captives to the floor, using one leg to pin a hand against a back. The other hand was spread over the floor, each finger separated, the butt of a phaser hovering above.

"Ten seconds, or we start breaking things. And more every five seconds after that."

"Ten."

He clenched two fingers in his uniform pants, his mind racing. Ten seconds.

"Eight."

It was workable.

"Six."

He could come up with a way to save all three of them.

"Four."

He couldn’t, there was no way to be able to get all of them out without serious wounds. His hands balled into fists, frustrated with himself, with the Andorians. He glanced to Leonard’s eyes, trying to take some sense from him.

"Two."

Spock looked into Kirk’s eyes at the last second, apologizing over and over again in his mind, hoping he understood.

Spock could never make this decision.

Simultaneously, two sharp cracks resonated around the bridge of the ship, the ring finger of each man submitting to the force of the phaser.

McCoy jerked, trying to draw his hand towards him. Kirk barely moved, merely closing his eyes tight.

Spock tilts forward, drawn by the obvious pain they were in.

"Mister Spock, your decision, any time now!"

He tries to come up with a well reasoned, logical choice in five seconds.

Two more cracks pierced the silence of the bridge and Spock couldn’t come up with a choice. He couldn’t make one; it was impossible.

Another eight cracks - four more fingers each - came before he opened his mouth, his hands clenched tightly in the fabric of his pants.

"I have made a decision."

"Oh?" She raises one eyebrow. "Have you now? What is it?"

"If I give myself in their place, will you allow them to go free?"

She looks surprised, a bark of a laugh coming from her.

"I’m touched, really I am. But that was never an option," she walks over to Kirk, pulling his arm up and snapping his forearm.

Spock jerks forward, hand reaching for Kirk when one of the Andorians shoots a phaser a few centimeters in front of his fingertips.

"Don’t you even dare," she hisses, dropping Kirk and stalking over to McCoy.

She kneels on his broken fingers, taking his ear between her teeth and biting down. McCoy struggled, his face filled with disgust.

Spock spoke, holding his hands up. “I have made a new decision.”

She lets McCoy’s ear drop with a flick of her tongue, continuing to move her knees over the fingers. “And it is?”

He looks down, then looks up again, meeting Kirk’s eyes, then McCoy’s.

"Logic dictates that the captain is more necessary to the chain of command of a starship. Therefore, I must choose Doctor McCoy, as it is only logical."

She stands, a satisfied smirk on her face. McCoy lets out a low growl, his fingers bent awkwardly and bright red.

Spock’s lips have become tight, his face like cold steel. But his eyes betray the weight of his decision and its toll upon him.

She walks over, taking a phaser from the guard and then walking back to where McCoy is pinned to the floor.

"Get him up," she commands and the guard hoists McCoy up into a kneeling position. She places the phaser at the back of his skull, pulling out the gag from his mouth and dropping it.

"Any final words Doctor McCoy?"

His voice growls out, thick with pain as his eyes locked on Spock’s. “Keep him safe,” he says as his non-broken fingers form the Vulcan salute.

Spock swallows, nodding and returning the salute.

The phaser fires and Leonard McCoy falls to the floor of the bridge. A muffled scream comes from Kirk and Spock rushes to McCoy’s side, fingers deftly finding the psi points.

Leonard’s eyes are sightless, and Spock watches them, not dropping his hand, even though he can feel that the soul that once inhabited the vivacious doctor is gone. He barely realizes that they’re in the transporter room of the Enterprise, his own eyes blank as he turns, standing and walking away.

Somehow he ends up in his quarters, and he falls to the floor, silent tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.

It was over.


End file.
